Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
