I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I will pee on everything he values.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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