you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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