U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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