You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
