Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
