the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
