yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
