i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
