the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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