My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
