me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
