Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
