Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
