Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
