Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
