yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
