Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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