these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
