I hate all girls vehemently.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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