Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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