Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
