It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
