Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize