By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
