Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
