i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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