I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
4 words: hood of his car
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
