I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
