But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
