So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
