Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
please come you make the beer taste better
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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