Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
