ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize