i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
