i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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