She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
