This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
