For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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