She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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