last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
