your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dear god my vagina.
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