I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
