I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Two words: blizzard sex
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize