Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Someone shit on the floor
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
