if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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