Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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