i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
