I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
