The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I know her cup size but not her name....
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
