I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
