after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
