I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize