There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
