Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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