Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm really busy with my period
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