everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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