Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
