Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
