I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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