I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
