Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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