Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
