i think i have herpe
just one?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
