i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
