Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
3pm strippers are depressing
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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