shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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