who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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