well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
