Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
