I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
